Before she even entered the room,her fragrance,like messengers,announced her arrival to the room. It was a delicate smell but at the same time,strong. It was somewhat a mix of roses, jasmine and something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. It was that smell which intoxicated you enough to close your eyes to savour it but the vision that followed the smell was the cure to the intoxication.
She wasn’t the petite, slender, delicate darling, that people expected the girl of her stature, family and class to be. And No I don’t just mean in physical sense. She was anything but the daddy’s princess that everybody thought she was.
A vision to look at, she was grace personified. Everyone looked up to her. Kind, brave,strong,funny, she was perfect in everyone’s eyes.
But lately everyone started noticing,how with every passing day, or for some who didn’t come daily to the parlour for tea, with every passing visit they made, the strength of the perfume grew. It became more stronger, and no I don’t mean that the delicacy and softness wasn’t there. It was. But the strength of the aroma increased. Many ladies thought that she was trying to get the attention of the gentlemen but it didn’t seem like her.
After the ladies leave, I see her retiring to her quarters. I feel her demeanour change. The confident,kind,funny,caring girl is still there but there is this feeling of..
This feeling.. I’m not able to understand.. Its..
It can’t be.. she wouldn’t.. she shouldn’t be feeling like this..
She enters the room and her handmaiden rushes in to help her change into her bed clothes. Once changed,the maid simmers down the lamps and leaves with a bow and a soft ‘Good Night ‘. I see her slowly losing herself in thoughts. With her hair falling off the back of the chaise longue , and her feet perched up on the other side,she twists and picks up her bottle of perfume from the table beside,while still looking deep in thoughts. She opens the bottle and keeps the stopper on her lap. Taking two fingers,she keeps them on the mouth of the bottle and lightly shakes it. Closing her eyes, she starts at the back of her ear and slowly drags it down,till her neck.
Eyes shut close. She repeats the process of shaking her bottle of perfumed oil with her fingers on the mouth and applies it,from her lower chin down to her throat till her collarbone.
Every time she touches her skin, her face grimaces as if putting balm on her wounds. Every time she reaches the end of the trail, she releases her breath with a deep sigh. Once done applying, she brings the bottle close to her nose and inhales a deep breath as if trying to make her insides smell good too. As she opens her eyes, a teardrop falls on her cheek. Wiping it off , her eyes fall on the long angry gash on her leg which ran up till her thigh.
She picks up her diary and starts writing’ It has been so long since it happened but it still feels like it happened just a few moments ago. That time when I walked out of the room I thought that it won’t affect me.. I thought that I was strong enough to deal with it, but now since the past few days I feel that stink coming from me. That damn awful smell. I still feel, him all over me... Kissing me..grabbing me down there.. I.. I don’t know.. I just don’t know.. I can’t just let it go.. I’m trying..believe me I’m trying.. but that smell is so overwhelming. I just can’t bear it anymore.. it’s not my fault that it happened to me.. I don’t smell like that.. I smell of roses and jasmines.. but I can’t get his smell off me.. the scrubbing.. the hot water baths.. fragrant oils.. nothing is helping..nothing.. You might be wondering why I never wrote about the incident, why I never shared this with someone..It.. It isn’t because I thought that I would bring shame to my family, no. It’s because I felt strong enough to let that pass.. but somehow that smell hasn’t gone off yet. I’ve done everything I could to get rid of that horrifying stink.. it is just simply terrifying. I never thought a day would come that I’d hate my own body..I’m hating it.. despising it for smelling like that man.. you know I read somewhere that once a human dies his body starts to smell.. is it true?