Happy Anniversary

Last time I wrote , he distanced himself and eventually was too far for the eyes to see or the Fingers to touch or ears to hear or tongue to speak.

Since the final nail in the coffin was hammered, here I am. 

This one doesn’t have anything altered to suit the text.

I thought it would be so much easier to act like none of this matters and to pretend to wear a smile than to confess that my heart is broken from losing someone who was never even mine.

I see him with her.. smiling.. a part of me hopefully believes that it’s one of the things he has mastered, putting on a fake smile. I mean that’s all I saw in the last days of Us. But then I hope that he’s happy , at-least with someone.

Eveytime I am starting to heal, I go back to his photos with her and then us.. same smile, same way he held, but I see his laughter with me.. his eye rolling moments.. his surprise pucchis in the middle of the roads.. his disappointment when I don’t react as excited to a surprise as he expected.. all these run in my mind and find a way to escape through the corners of my eyes.. and believe me when I say that I’ve tried to stop them. 

It’s like a sense of utmost despair and defeat takes over you and you can’t do anything but to accept it. Imagine being tattered to shreds and threads and still walking out everyday like you aren’t hollowed from inside out.

People tell me to forget him, not realizing that I can’t forget him, not because I have a strong memory (trust me he’s a witness to it), but because I have a heart that never denies those who settled in it once.

How so ever long it might be, my respect and love for him wouldn’t have changed. Ive realised he’s meant to stay in my heart but not in my life.

I always told him that my feelings for him weren’t existing because he felt the same.. I was entitled to my feelings and he to his.. and as long as my heart beats  it’ll always have a picture of his beautiful wide smile while I was kissing his head.

I read this beautiful quote and I don’t think anything summarizes my feelings better than this..

‘I don’t love him to death.. I love him through death. One doesn’t stop loving someone just because they’re not physically with you.’