Haunt

I am a girl haunted by the echoes of my own mistakes, tormented by the memory of a love I foolishly let slip through my fingers. In the darkest corners of my mind, I find myself drowning in a sea of regret, grief, and hopelessness. It's as though I'm trapped in a never-ending nightmare, suffocating under the weight of my own mistakes and the pain I've caused. As I sit here, consumed by the suffocating grip of despair, I am compelled to pour out the pieces of my shattered soul onto these pages. My heart, heavy with remorse and anguish, weighs me down like an anchor dragging me into the abyss of hopelessness.

It all began with a moment of weakness, a lapse in judgment that spiraled into a devastating cascade of regret. He had moved on, or so I thought, and in my desperation to fill the void he left behind, I sought solace in the company of another. But the fleeting moments of distraction only served to magnify the emptiness within me, a relentless reminder of the love I had lost.

I made promises, vows whispered in the quiet corners of our shared existence, vows to never tread the path of new experiences without him by my side. Yet, in a moment of desperate escapism, I betrayed those promises and embarked on a journey to Hong Kong with a crew that knew nothing of the torment devouring my soul. The laughter of the cabin crew, meant to be a distraction, only served to amplify the ache in my chest as I spoke of him, endlessly, relentlessly, unable to silence the memories that threatened to consume me whole.

Amidst the bustling chaos of a foreign city, I found no respite from the unforgiving onslaught of memories. Every corner turned, every street explored, served only to amplify the ache of his absence. And so, I sought refuge in the only solace I could find and when the weight of my sorrow became too much to bear, it was Riya, a stranger turned confidante, who offered me solace in the midst of my anguish, it was her who held me as I crumbled, for which I’ll always be thankful to her..her embrace was a fleeting moment of solace in a world of pain.

But even in the midst of such kindness, I find myself consumed by thoughts of self-destruction. The incessant whispers of my own inadequacy taunt me relentlessly, urging me towards the brink of oblivion. I fantasize about the release of death, about the freedom from the torment of my own existence – but even in my darkest moments, I am haunted by the vision of my parents' grief, the lingering shame of my own inadequacy. I've lost count of the times I've contemplated ending it all, of the ways I've imagined putting an end to this unbearable pain. But each time, the thought of the shame and embarrassment it would bring upon my family holds me back. I'm trapped in a prison of my own making, with no way out. Every moment feels like an eternity of torment, as I wrestle with the demons that plague my mind, whispering taunts of self-destruction and oblivion. The thought of flying, once a source of exhilaration, now fills me with dread, as I am haunted by visions of crashing and burning, of ending it all in one final, irreversible act. The thought of boarding another flight fills me with dread, the idea of driving alone sends shivers down my spine. The urge to escape, to end the ceaseless agony, grows stronger with each passing day.

The promise I made to never explore new places without him echoes in my mind, mocking me for my inability to keep it. How could I have been so foolish to think I could find happiness without him by my side? He was my rock, my everything, and now I'm adrift in a world that feels empty and cold.

And then there are his words, haunting me like a relentless ghost. He told me I was unworthy of forgiveness, that his hatred for me knows no bounds. How can I ever hope to find peace when even the mere thought of him sends me spiraling into despair?

He has moved on, found someone who can give him the love and happiness he deserves, while I remain stuck in the past, unable to let go. In his words, I see my own damnation, a punishment I cannot escape. I am broken, beyond repair, and I fear I may never find my way back from the darkness that consumes me, and here I remain trapped in a prison of my own making, unable to escape the ghosts of our past.