Mrig ki Kastori

Khoe hue mohobbat mein khud ko dard dena ek laillaj nasha hai..

I feel it fills oneself with a sense of martyrdom..ya maybe false martyrdom..nahi janti kaunsa hai.. ya hai bhi ya nhi..par khud ko koi yeh aziyat de kyun? Why does one do this? 

Shayad unresolved feelings, ya comparing oneself to their ex and their partner and gauging ones emotional progress, ya phir deliberately exposing oneself to confront the emotions, ya Shayad to subconsciously punish oneself for the actions that led to the break up..in hopes of trying to cope with feelings of guilt or inadequacy, ya phir sabse dangerous cheez, umeed..

As I write this I am listening to ‘Ka karun Sajni Aaye na balam’ by Somlata and penning this makes to realise how certain things change someone. The last time I heard this song I used to be one who used to believe that the only thing stronger than fear is hope.. par Shayad usse zyaada dangerous bhi kuch nhi hai..

Mann mein itne sawaal hai aur unn sab ka ek hi jawaab hai jo main bahut acche se janti hun na jaane kyun phir mrig ki tarah vann mein kastori dhoondh rhe hun.. kastori main hun yeh pta hai phir yeh restlessness, yeh Khoj na jaane kyun khatam nhi ho rhi.,

Rowat Rowat kal na hi aaye.. and I’m still there.. waking up to a message tone and those five messages..