Sultan Suleiman

Haasil ki beqadri aur la-hasil ki khwahish,

İnsan ko maut tak le jaate hai.

It's strange how life can unravel in unexpected ways, leaving us feeling like we've been tossed far off from ourselves, desperately trying to find our way back amidst the wreckage of a shattered relationship.

Today, as I caught a glimpse of Halit Ergenc, who portrayed Sultan Suleiman, memories of him flooded my mind. His eyes, deep and piercing, mirrored in Halit's portrayal, served as a bittersweet reminder of what once was. It's funny how even in the midst of heartache, the first thoughts that surface are of the good times we shared – the laughter, the shared dreams, the moments of pure joy. But for him, those memories seem overshadowed by the pain I caused, by the lies I told. It's hard not to blame him for remembering the worst, especially when I reflect on the hurt I inflicted.

It feels like a lifetime ago when love flowed effortlessly between us. One of my favourite moment was when I surprised him on his birthday in Chennai and while leaving he asked me if I’ve forgotten something and I pretended to look around and said, ‘You’.. and I swear I’ve never seen a more cute blush and sheepish smile ever.. And yet, I'm certain he feels the same way. But now, he's found someone who can love him in ways I never could, who can make him feel valued and cherished. And for that, despite the twinge of sadness it brings, I'm genuinely glad.

The temptation to reach out, to apologize, to try and mend what's broken, is ever-present. But I can't bring myself to disrupt the life he's rebuilding. I'm reminded of Madhubala's poignant words from the Hindi adaptation of Jane Eyre, Sangdil, where she speaks of the river of life and time,’ Zindagi aur waqt ka dariya aisa hai ki aadmi ek baat usse laang jaaye toh phir kabhi wapas nhi aa şakta, aur jo uss paar jaake wahan ke naye logon ke saath khush ho, usse koi phir toofani lehron mein daal de, bhala üsse zyaada khudgarz kaun hoga?’ 

Instead, I find solace in hoping that he's taking care of himself, just as I'm sure she is. I hope he finds happiness, that everything falls into place for him. He's the kind of person who deserves nothing less. And deep down, I know he wouldn't tolerate seeing his image tarnished in front of her.

So as I navigate this sea of emotions, I cling to the belief that time will heal all wounds, that we'll both emerge from this stronger and wiser. And in the meantime, I'll keep moving forward, one uncertain step at a time, trusting that the path ahead holds promise, even if it's veiled in shadows for now.