Ajnabi

You don’t know Shamsher unhone mujhe kya kaha. I kept the folder on private, he doesn’t deserve to know my feelings. He doesn’t.

He told me now that he isn’t there I can sleep with his friend. He has become so vile. I hate him I hate him I hate him so fucking much for thnking this about me. Woh unke dost hai and I gave him that respect and tameez, and he in all his fucking heart believes that I am interested in him. Hum dono nein tameez aur sharm ka daira rakha and he thinks so fucking low of me. 

I’ve done some horrible things but this? I didn’t know that it was possible for him to still break something Which was broken beyond repair.

Woh mujhe bol rhe the ki my feelings were a drama because I was laughing and singing and talking. Despite knowing me, knowing that I’d be bleeding from in but I’d still be diddly dee doesn’t give him the right to say anything bout my feelings. BC kab khatam hoga?! When the fuck will his words stop having any bloody impact on me? 

Unhone poocha bhi nhi. Forget that he didn’t let me speak. Unhone itni baatein ki apne dost se didn’t he tell him I got pulled out? Par nhi unhe sukoon milta hai mujhe dard deke. Vindication aur nafrat bhi toh poori karni hai ha! 

Mata help😭 it’s hurting really bad.

You know I tried, I tried to swap it but no one said yes and jisne kaha it was too late. Woh kab samjhenge mujhe? Kab? I thought he understands me well, knows me inside out, par he doesn’t, he doesn’t know me. Or maybe he does and he doesn’t care. That sounds like him. Agar unko Maine yeh kaha hota hai you know Woh mujhe kya kehte? That I don’t deserve any thing and ki I was tasting my own medicine. 

Mujhe kaha woh nhi toh unka dost sahi 😭 ghatiya insaan… inko toh pasand hai mujhe jagah jagah zaleel karna, mujhe baatein sunana, meri beizzati karna, lekin apne dost ka hi lihaaz kar liya hota. Kaash unka hi Soch ke rukk jaate. He’s so harsh and cruel and just.. 

I don’t want to speak to him, he’s ruining my Nikhil, the man whose memory I have to live on. He can’t. He can’t do that, I don’t have anything else but that. I won’t let him. And if I have to protect his memories from him I will. He has arzoo to look forward to, nights with her, rings, playing house with her, he has all this. I don’t. I am drowning in wars and pains that I’ve been fighting for years now, him, then ghar waale, shaadi ki baatein, friends, just everything, and he is relentless with his pain. 

He doesn’t even remember how I was and how I’ve become. Unke dost se bhi unka baatein ki, didn’t he tell him that? How could he think that I am great? Doesn’t he know me? Mujhe guroor tha iss baat pe that he knew me, there was one man who knows me, cause I know him, I know meri jaan, par yeh Woh shaqs nhi hai. Yeh shaqs sirf mujhse nafrat karta hai. Maine rakha maan inke dard ka, wishes ka, unhone yeh kaha mujhe? Yeh socha about me? Specially after he gave her a ring? Uss insaan ko who never took a stand for him when it actually fucking counted. Aaj jab aasan hai toh Woh hai. He doesn’t know me, Woh aadmi mere liye ajnabi hai aaj se, aur bhagwaan kare ki ajnabiyon ki tarah unki baaton se bhi mera dil na toote😭